Ride My Handlebars

Chocolate? Are you there? It's me, Kate.

2010-06-04T11:36:00.000-07:00

Here I am in corn land -- Iowa and Minnesota. Got to ride on the hay baler. Stayed in a log cabin containing 8,006 knot holes and 27 items made out of antlers. Despite all the advantages, you can't find a decent piece of chocolate in these parts to save your life. And by that I mean that the highest cocoa content in the land is 55%. I brought some along, but miscalculated horribly.Note to self:

Ironing board follow-up

2009-10-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

Oops. I realize I should’ve followed up on the ironing board story. Sorry to leave everyone hanging like that.When I rode by there two days later it had vanished. The U-lock remains. What does that mean? Will it be back? Usually when people leave an expensive U-lock behind it means they plan to return and they want it there to lock up with.On the other hand…. might the ironing board have managed

Wheels do not a shopping cart make

2009-10-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

I saw the saddest thing on the train to Gresham this morning. I caught the MAX at the Hollywood Transit Center, as usual. It came at about 9:30. I forget which stop it was -- maybe as far up as 182nd or so -- when the loudspeaker comes on and the voice of the driver, a woman, booms out: "The lady trying to get on with the shopping cart? Shopping carts are NOT ALLOWED on the MAX. You may NOT come

My Other Broom is an Ironing Board

2009-09-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

If you had to choose a household appliance as a means of transportation, wouldn’t you tend to reach for a broom? Who wouldn’t think of that, first thing? But someone has had a much better idea. Why not an ironing board? Much more comfortable. A plethora of possible riding positions. As good as surfing, if not better.

Another one of mankind's nasty habits infiltrates the animal world

2009-07-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

Here's the promised Crow Trying to Smoke a Cigarette essay. This was last October, hence the scruffiness of the grass and the dead leaves in the gutter. Been meaning to post it ever since. I hope you appreciate it because it made me late for work. This seemed more important at the time.....Hey!Lemme see that a sec!I know what's in there! Got to get the damn thing open.... Come ON, dammit! God I

Oregon summer is here at last

2009-07-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

good grief, I can't bear that grey picture another minute, it seems so inappropriate now that the weather is gorgeous.No time right now, but I've been preparing a photo essay of a crow trying to smoke a cigarette. Don't believe me? Just wait....

The Candle Method

2009-07-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

Today was the kind of day that everyone should know about before they do something rash like move to Oregon. Keep in mind that it’s mid-July and this picture was taken at 4:30 in the afternoon.OK I’m lighting a candle for all the people out there who’ve moved to Oregon by mistake, for whom this kind of weather is Sylvia Plath on a plate.There. See? When you can do nothing else, you can light a

Frequent Light Rail User Weighs in on Proposed Solution

2009-05-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

OK everybody! I'm in the newspaper: my opinion about riding the MAX and how to fix it. You can read it here. You'll see it's really tame compared to some of the stuff I've written here, but it sure isn't my purpose to scare the general public away from using the MAX. Au contraire. Forget anything bad I've ever said about the MAX and just GET ON IT. That is what will help. Please note that I have

Brompton takes a bus ride

2009-05-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

I recently had a little chat with Trimet on the phone. After my third incidence of bus-driver melt-down over bringing my bike on board -- yes, I am indeed talking about my Brompton foldable -- I felt I had to inform them about their own policies. I received a positive response from the person who took my call when I suggested introducing the topic at their next staff meeting. She sounded

OK -- I'm back.....

2009-04-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

....after a four month hiatus. Someone told me that blogs have a life span (Mr. Jim), and I started to think mine had reached the end of its.But maybe not.... I have a few more stories. Let's give it another whirl and see how this goes. I'll start out with something innocuous like:All the pretty flowers. and. the weather. You can't go wrong on weather. (In fact, I've discovered large areas of our

More on Sam Adams

2009-01-28T12:04:00.000-08:00

In response to Dale’s comment to yesterday’s post, I would like to add the following.Yeh, the damage this does to gay people is one of my biggest gripes. And the clintonesque birthday issue is mega silly -- as if the passing of one day, chosen for legal purposes, really makes the difference between adult and not adult.As far as what else Sam might lie about? Call me naïve but I honestly don’t

I still love Sam Adams except for that one thing

2009-01-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

Well. I suppose I have to comment on this, being a bike person and a public transportation person, and a greenie, as well as a gay person. One might correctly guess that I have been a HUGE fan of Sam Adams, Mr. Public Transportation Gay Cyclist Green Guy of the Universe. One might also guess that I have been disappointed in him of late.To me he's the personification of everything I want Portland

January 20, 2009: THE END OF AN ERROR

2009-01-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

Here's our breakfast on a card table, set up especially for the occasion to watch the inaugural address on our old snowy 3 channel TV screen.It's a brand new world, in which the president opens his mouth and everyone stands rapt, listening to mellifluous sentences whose endings match up with their middles and beginnings. The whole world exhales a long sigh of relief along with us. Gone from our

2009-01-17T01:05:00.000-08:00

We went to Nostrana for the second time the other night. No, we didn't ride our bikes there. We drove Lindi's car. It was dark, it was cold, it was raining, and I wanted to wear my long wool coat and nice leather shoes and not have helmet hair. So sue me.This is exactly why a lot of women don't ride their bikes ever. They don't want to look like they just got dragged in by the cat -- which is

The World is my Banana Peel

2009-01-02T02:34:00.000-08:00

The day after my last post? End of the ice age? My street looked like this. I was able to ride my bike (my old regular bike -- I needed the bigger wheels) along the ruts in the slush, getting off to walk in some areas, like going around corners.But the next day, Sunday, I was able to ride the Brompie -- for the first time in about ten days! Oregon was back to its messy, mossy, greeny self. This

The end of the ice age

2008-12-26T22:32:00.000-08:00

Work finally opened for business today after a week of closure, unheard of in all its history, during which I was confined to the fireplace with cookies, two cats, my favorite person in the world, and a pile of books. (It's been horrible. I'm thinking of suing for damages.)But this morning reality fell upon me like melting icicles divebombing into pavement. I kept calling the county weather

The World is My Snowglobe

2008-12-25T22:18:00.000-08:00

I used to collect those things but after this I don't think I'll need to. This afternoon's fat-flake-flurry felt like some form of torture. Shut UP!!! Stop it! Enough already!We ignored it and managed to get to my parents' house for tea and cookies, though our niece's car got stuck on the way over and we had to chip away at an ice floe underneath it with pitiful inadequate instruments. We left

We're totally buried

2008-12-22T11:09:00.001-08:00

It snowed even more during the night. Look at our front steps. And our plants. And Lindi's car, almost up to the top of its wheels. This never happens here. I think Portland owns about three snowplows. Nothing to do but sit in front of the fire with our cats and read. (Darn.) And of course, blog -- at least while we have electricity. There's power outage all over town. I hope it's fixed soon,

Help. The whole city is becoming encased in ice!

2008-12-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

A ski trip to the store a mile away earlier this afternoon turned into a two-and-a-half hour expedition ---- partly because I kept stopping to take pictures, but also because it's hard to get anywhere. If the world quits hearing from Portland, somebody out there might want to send in a few helicopter loads of ice-ax-wielding rescuers. Here's some of the evidence. And look at this poor tree

2008-12-16T22:21:00.000-08:00

You can still see ice on most streets in residential areas. I would never drive on this because 1. I don't know how to drive on ice; 2.the other people don't know how to drive on ice either; 3. I don't have a car. remember? And I don't bike on ice either. On occasion, and with assistance of some sort, I have been known to try walking on it.Lindi and I have been holed up for the last two days.

Weather Headlines Blanket Area News

2008-12-14T22:57:00.000-08:00

Well, shoot. Just when I was going to post my report on Friday's bike-car collision (someone else's), this happened. Snow. I don't know about your part of the world, but in Oregon, "news" about weather supercedes all news about everything else. Had there been a snowstorm on 9-11, our local news would've been all over it and we'd have had to wait till it was over to hear about the World Trade

Car-less-ness Meets Reality

2008-12-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

Early morning yesterday I had to meet someone across town over near the Montgomery Park building, about a twenty five minute ride (for me) from where I live. The day before had been wicked cold (to us, anyway-- you Canadians quit laughing), and I'd just about talked myself into making an exception just this once and taking the car. Then I remembered that I didn't have a car.You would think that

Self-assisted Vehicularcide

2008-12-10T18:18:00.000-08:00

A few days later the mechanic called with an estimate of over a thousand dollars. Lindi and I had already decided way last year that "no heroic measures" were to be taken to save either of our cars. I called Mr Flatbed and said my car was up for sale again, but no deal. So off it went, to auction for OPB. Somebody will buy it for parts. It's probably in several pieces already, providing organ

Two ducks, sitting in the night

2008-12-05T13:42:00.000-08:00

I puttered over to my parents' house, where Lindi met me with a complete change of clothes and Mum provided dinner. Afterwards, we cleverly decided that L should follow me home, and lo! --another poop-out, right in the middle of NE 39th and Division. This time, instead of being stranded in a desolate parking lot, we huddled wedged between cars whizzing by us on all sides. Without even a flicker

2008-12-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

Evidently moved to pity, Jessica insisted on driving me back to the break-down site, where a mountainous flatbed towtruck idled in a dim halo of rain shards. Since the presumed occupant showed no interest in the great outdoors, I climbed up uninvited to join him in his cozy dome-lit cabin, slamming the door against the damp enemy. Toasty in there! Like Jessica's house, only without the tea. I

Lately-come-early

2008-12-02T22:23:00.001-08:00

If this car thing was going to majorly change my plans for the evening, I had to at least make it to Jessica's and back before the tow truck came. I'd promised interesting snacks, things her sick self would actually be able to eat, and I'd stopped at the store to buy said items. No way was I not delivering.Tow truck dispatch said an hour. I start walking -- or might I say wading. No worries about

The Little Engine That Could, but just didn't feel like it

2008-11-28T13:55:00.000-08:00

My car has convulsed its final throes of death and is being auctioned off for parts as we speak. It happened that night of tsunami rain we had a couple of weeks ago, a Wednesday. As I drove along, realizing how hard it was to see in the world of blinking, moving lights reflecting off a hundred different wet surfaces, I thought, "No one should be out on a bike in this rain."And yet.I was minutes

Regarding bodily injury

2008-11-26T14:15:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, I'm good to go. No breakage, only bruising and some aching, especially my hand. By now almost nothing. It's nice to know you can fall past fifty and not break into a million pieces. I hope that continues. Not the falling, the surviving part. Gotta keep taking those calcium pills, just in case. Every morning, every night. No shrinking bones for this girl.There's only so much you

Splattered Cyclist Leaves the Scene of the Slime

2008-11-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

OK, this time I'm really back, I promise.Shall I start with my latest bike wipe-out story, or my latest car-death story? Hmmm, how to choose? I have so MUCH to tell you.OK, I'll start with the present and work back. Hopefully nothing interesting will happen before I fill in the blogging gap between NOW and THEN.Just this past Saturday. I hop on the Bromp and head for the Hollywood Transit Station

Where the hell have I been?

2008-08-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hints:I've seen exactly one bicycle in the last two weeks.The color taking up most of the space in the panorama is: blue. The predominant food is: yellow.The horizon line is perfectly straight for 360 degrees.I would've written sooner, but computers have not played a role in this hiatus. I'll be back to my own reality in a couple of days. I hope it's raining there.

Best Bike Racks

2008-07-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

Today’s Cutest Bike Rack award goes to this one in Northwest Portland, I think on ….. I forgot. Overton? And around 20th?I didn’t notice this at the time, but does the back of that truck have a propeller on it?

I take it with me everywhere.

2008-07-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

It’s more like a pet than a bike, only better. (Try getting your dog to carry you somewhere.)This afternoon after wrapping up a series of stressful and challenging matters in my life, I needed a big fat reward. Bromp and I went to Costello’s, my favorite café in all of Portand -- minutes from my house as well as seconds from the whole rest of the world. Two wall mounted flat movie screens play

My other bike is jealous.

2008-07-21T22:04:00.000-07:00

I’ve ridden the Brompton almost exclusively since I got it. I don't have the luggage system yet because the shop had run out of them at the time that I bought the bike. So I’ve been using a backpack — not ideal, but functional. One day when it was too hot to wear a backpack and I needed extra tote space, I rode my old bike which has a rear rack and a basket. The feeling was similar to switching

Across Town on the Bromp: first stop Powells Books

2008-07-08T22:23:00.000-07:00

Today I took my maiden voyage downtown on my Brompton. Not only am I not slower than other bikes, I find myself on several occasions rolling faster! Is that possible? If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know what a slow-mo I am. I was sure that the tiny wheels would mean a sacrifice in efficiency. Am I just extra excited or something? And the few gradual hills felt no more difficult

free at last, free at last

2008-07-04T23:00:00.001-07:00

OK, this is IT. You saw the "before" picure, here's the "after". The miraculously empty unit. And now, the promised photo of my new zen minimalist self. It's a birthday present, it's a Christmas present, it's a storage unit vacating award, it's all of the above. Yes, friends, as openly pined for on several occasions on my blog, I now own a BROMPTON FOLDABLE BIKE!!! And in the nick of time! If you

Where in Pedalpalooza have I been?

2008-07-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

Not, I'm sorry to say, at that fantasmagorical Portland bike festival, of which there is no equal in all the world. I regret to inform you that I missed every single event. I've felt extremely deprived, but I'm putting it on my calendar NOW to make up for it in a very big way next year. Best I can do is link you to my coverage of it from two years back, and refer you to bikeportland, where you

uh.... do we need more bike racks?

2008-06-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

In case you've been super busy lately with all-consuming tasks like emptying a storage unit or something, and haven't noticed what is happening in Portland these days, here's an example. See? The city is so bursting with cyclists that we have to resort to extreme measures. The bike parking availability isn't keeping up with the demand. Even so, for most purposes biking is still way more

portland cat population increases by one

2008-06-13T08:45:00.001-07:00

OK, I know this is a new LOW, but I'm resorting to cute kitty pictures to keep my ratings up till I have time to blog again -- which will be soon. Meanwhile this explains my trip to Eastern Oregon -- I went to babysit this cat in the car on the way back for Eileen, pictured here holding said animal. Not that you have to travel a million miles to find a cat, but this was an arranged adoption. As

the Greenjackets are back! And just in time!

2008-06-10T16:40:00.000-07:00

Did I say the Uniformed Ones were a disappearing breed? I take it back. Here's a story I wrote a couple of weeks ago but haven't posted yet. Pretend it's Friday, June 4th.The Guinness World Record for foul language and lurid content was broken today right here on the MAX train between Gresham and Portland Oregon.Six loudmouth girls in their twenties sat in front of me tonight on the way home. OK,

Never mind. My one and only slide show EVER.

2008-06-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, I’ll spare you my first ever attempted blog slide show and cut right to the action. The Blessing of the Bikes was going to be next but I’m being begged for the previously promised “Bordello Personnel observed riding the MAX Train.” Maybe I’d better get that one out of the way and then clean up with the holier topic.Lemme sleep on it. It’s late now.

Voyage to the East

2008-06-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

The town of Brothers, Oregon. Population... six or seven? not sure. I only met two, and they were sisters -- the owners of this place. Don't miss their pie at on your way through. Nothing like it.Here's the old one (below), across the street. Only room for one business in this town. No pie in there...... I checked.

From A to B and back again

2008-06-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how the more interesting life gets, the harder it is to find time to write it down? It's not for want of EVENTS that blogging has been sparse. Handlebars or not, the underlying theme remains: transporting ourselves, our loved ones, our animules, and our it-ems from A to B. Upcoming stories: Trip to eastern Oregon results in increase in Portland’s cat population.Possible car death

Cyclists: Our own worst enemy

2008-05-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today I came upon a bike accident that had just happened. I was traveling south on Broadway downtown and found this scene at Couch street. I asked other cyclists standing there and they said it was a crash of two bikes. Here's how I reconstruct the event from what people said. One was zooming along Broadway, as one does, Broadway being a main arterial. The other apparently tried to dart across

Obama's first words to the cheering crowd:

2008-05-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

"Bicycle lanes."According to the Oregonian, those were the man's first words when he opened his mouth yesterday at the waterfront. I wasn't there, but judging from the pictures on Bikeportland about the event, he would've been foolish to open with anything else. The photos are definitely worth a peek. Bicycles were locked to anything that could remotely be called a railing, and from where he was

A beautiful place.... for the Fiat and its many uses

2008-05-16T17:20:00.000-07:00

In Italy, panorama viewing counted as a bonafide activity, as much as going to the theater or out to dinner. In fact, the question, "Vuoi andare a un bel posto?" -- Do you want to go to a beautiful place? -- was the Italian equivalent of the American boy's invitation to a drive-in movie.No viewpoint was left unmobbed by groups of friends and pairs of lovers, especially on summer nights. Whereas

Coming soon: Favorite Italian pastimes within the Fiat milieu

2008-05-14T22:18:00.001-07:00

OK, the votes are in: We'll be staying in Italy and moving ahead with a combination of the first three choices.My! For a bike blog, there sure is a lot of interest in what goes on inside of a car.

Seat Belt Usage in Italy, Part 2

2008-05-12T11:40:00.001-07:00

In the early eighties some nebulous Italian entity got it into its head to impose seat belt laws.Some of you may be familiar with the rules-are-made-to-be-broken mentality that permeates the Italian culture. You sophisticated ones will recognize that I am not just spreading slander about a whole population of people. I am merely addressing a well established phenomenon. I can't explain where it

The History of Seat Belt Usage in Italy, Part 1

2008-05-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

I know that among those of you who are American, the thought at the forefront of your minds as you've been reading these last few posts has been: "Are they wearing their seat belts?" The answer, as you might guess, is: Not. Or, more accurately: What seat belts? Did those cars even come with seat belts? I'm not sure what Fiat was doing in those days. But if cars did in fact emerge from the factory

The downside of Italian Cliff Driving

2008-05-08T18:55:00.000-07:00

The trip down from the ski resort a couple of days later unfolded at a remarkably accelerated pace from that on the way up. The Italians didn't worry about the possibility of rear ending anyone on these roads, since in a typical example of Italian style team work, they all drove at exactly the same speed.Every few kilometers there was a pullout carved into the wall side of the road where the

Cliff Driving, continued...

2008-05-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

While the Italians are famous for slowing way down at the table, that doesn't happen on the open road. Is it a backlash from having to drive bumpety-whippety-jerky style the entire time they're in the city? Maybe. The reason hardly matters -- the effect is an insane level of risk.Are the Italians afraid on the little mountain cliff roads? No they are not. Why not? because on each curve there's a

Cliff Driving

2008-05-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

Italians are skilled at building roads on the sides of steep cliffs, having developed infallible methods over the centuries. (Did you know that a bunch of Italians were brought over here to Oregon to build the Old Columbia River Highway?)The mountains of Italy are snaked with these roads, barely wide enough for two cars to pass. On one side you have a cliff going up, and to the other you have the

Trains Roll On, Peepless

2008-05-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

Still not a peep of authority visible or audible on the MAX. Not one. Is the flurry to assuage public fear over already? Come ON, people! It's only been a few months since the baseball bat beating that started all this, and we had a fresh shooting the other night.No time to blog today, but here's a quote I jotted down today while on the train:"Some people shoots themselves in the head and lives.

Don't worry.... woman shot through the leg was not I

2008-05-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't forgotten about Italian Cliff Driving. I just haven't had a spare minute. Maybe I can squeeze it into my lunch break tomorrow. Meanwhile, back in SafetyLand (here), an update on the public transportation:All of a sudden the blanketing of the MAX trains with cops, security guards, fare collectors, and manners police seems to have come to a screeching halt. I haven't seen any of them for

In case you missed it......

2008-05-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

....the link to La Donna é Mobile? The one that I provided in the post about Elvio? In case you think you're not familiar with that opera -- I'd bet my left earlobe you'll recognize it when you hear it. (Elvio had a way better moustache, and needless to say, I'd never go out with anyone in those pants....)Here, I'm giving you another chance, before we move on to cliff driving. Turn up the sound

Crazy but not stupid

2008-04-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

The one precaution we took was for Elvio to park the motorcycle down the road by the church when he came to pick me up. We may have been born yesterday, but not the day before yesterday. We could safely hypothesize (see? safety wasn't the absolute furthest thing from our minds) that for him to come roaring into the courtyard of our building on that thing would be unpopular with my parents.They

The other vehicle

2008-04-28T23:08:00.000-07:00

The thing I loved fourth most about Elvio was that he was not unduly preoccupied with being a man-man. Gender roles were all a big joke to him. He was prone to burst into song, usually mock opera, changing the words from Joe Green's Rigoletto, "La donna é mobile," which meant basically women change their minds at the drop of a hat, to "La donna é un mobile," which meant woman is a piece of

Elvio and his vehicles

2008-04-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

Elvio was my buddy during the Naples years. The thing I loved most about Elvio was that though everyone thought he was My Boyfriend, he was in reality: Not My Boyfriend. The thing I loved second most was that as long as everybody thought he was My Boyfriend, he had the decency to be handsome, molto simpatico, and hilariously funny. He was thin, but not in an anorexic kind of way. He wore a

Cultural Attitudes toward safety equipment in Italy

2008-04-25T14:57:00.001-07:00

My friend Carla was visiting a few years ago. She stayed at my apartment and used Portland for a base to travel out from, usually by herself, which was gutsy of her since she doesn't speak a word of English. For a few days she went up to Seattle and took the obligatory ferry ride. While waiting for departure, she stood on the deck watching the scene on the dock. She saw a hefty woman ferry worker

The Queen of Practical

2008-04-24T22:39:00.000-07:00

The other day on my way across town I met Marsha. We were riding along one of the bike boulevards at the same speed, so we got to talking. That's the way biking is -- you're not all closed in from other humans, you're right out there. For those of you not from Portland, bike boulevards are just the smaller streets through residential areas that are not major arterials and therefore are not highly

The Effect of Motivation on Exercise

2008-04-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

Somewhere over the decades I got the screwy idea into my head that it's only exercise if you're wearing exercise clothes and the time slot on your calendar says "work out." And no fair getting anything else accomplished at the same time. Among other sources, I actually read this in some magazine years ago -- that you can't count activities like vacuuming your entire house or gardening as exercise

New Toy: Heart Monitor/ Lie Detector

2008-04-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

Yes. I finally bought one. Been meaning to try this for a long time. Expensive. but interesting. I'm finding out two things: 1, I'm lazier than I even thought. 2, I actually get quite a lot of exercise in my ordinary daily life.One thing I've never been is competitive, especially in the physical arena. If someone else wants to get there first, I'll gladly step aside -- it makes absolutely no

Rider Advocates -- can you fight slobness with friendliness?

2008-04-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry I'm late. I know this is way past tomorrow. About the Rider Advocates: I haven't seen hide nor hair of them since I last wrote -- which isn't to say they're not still out there. Anyway, as I was saying --They swarm on, and.... maybe I shouldn't say swarm, since that makes them sound like a SWAT team. They mosey on. They make eye contact with people and say hello. They introduce who they are

Manners Police in Portland?

2008-04-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

Well, not exactly. They're certainly not using the P word - that wouldn't go over well here. If you completed yesterday's assignment, you read about how the Japanese are doing it. Here they're calling them Rider Advocates. I kept seeing these little bands of guys and gals in grey windbreakers with a shiny horizontal stripe across the middle. The other day while waiting on the Gresham Transit

WWJD? Call the Manners Police

2008-04-01T11:03:00.001-07:00

The BBC has a story called "'Manners police' hit Japan metros."This is tooo good! You gotta read it.Some excerpts:"Badly behaved commuters riding on Yokohama's public transport will soon be risking a dressing-down. Newly appointed "etiquette police" will be asking travellers to turn down their headphones and give up their seats for their elders and betters.---"This perceived lapse included

WWJD? Call the Manners Police

2008-04-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

The One Time in My Entire Life

2008-03-31T15:45:00.000-07:00

By now you've all probably lost all interest in the public furniture story, for which I don't blame you, but here it is anyway. In my next post we'll go see how the Japanese are handling this, and then take a u-turn back home for a surprising look at Trimet's latest take on it.In my thirties I spent a year and a half in Eastern Europe, a year of it in a small remote town in Czechoslovakia. Though

Halftime entertainment

2008-03-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

While you're waiting for that Eastern European furniture story, here's something to do:Move your right foot around in a clockwise circle.Now move your right hand to make a number six in the air.Your foot will change directions.

Consequences of furniture worship in the family pecking order

2008-03-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

Before I tell you this next story, you must understand that I come from a background in which slouching in the living room was seen to be bad for the furniture. I'm not kidding, my mother would see you and say "Oh DON'T slouch all over my nice sofa that way, honeyyyyyyyyy? If you want to do that, go slouch in the recreation room. That's what it's for."The furniture in the rec room was expendable.

What I'm working on now:

2008-03-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

The Role of Home Furniture in Childhood Development and how it shapes our relationships with furnishings in public spaces. -an exclusive excerpt from my forthcoming book: Around the World With Eighty Tons of Crap. (Coming soon, possibly tomorrow.)

Driving with Miss Doozie, Part 2

2008-03-21T14:46:00.001-07:00

Just when I was contemplating the effectiveness of car extraction by horse cart, a blue land rover pulled up behind it. The Mennonites deferred to a higher horse power and trotted away.The license plate on the land rover said PRICE, which was good news and bad news. The good part was that he had a jeep, a cable, and a wench, even, and could probably help us. The not-so-good part was that he might

Driving with Miss Doozie

2008-03-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

I brought my buddy Dann down with me and planned to practice on my parents' 1966 Volvo manual shift sedan. The very same Volvo we'd bought in Canada in 1966, had driven across the Atlantic in 1971, had stuffed with our family of eight and driven around Naples, had now ended up with us in British Honduras. Old and bulbous, but good. Why buy a new car when the old one will do the job?Of the two

Don't worry....

2008-03-16T20:51:00.001-07:00

.... be happy. I'll soon be returning to the promised topic of driving practice in Belize. We had to stop for a little commercial about bicycle safety. Just to remind you that this IS a bike blog. Actually, I've been meaning to tell you: I've decided to move forward with a more metaphorical interpretation of the imperative "ride my handlebars." That way, when life temporarily leads me astray from

OK, Car-Heads -- Watch THIS!

2008-03-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

The link below has got to be the best ad out there for bike safety awareness. It's a commercial that is running in the UK right now.http://www.dothetest.co.uk/

Driving Lessons

2008-03-13T15:51:00.000-07:00

When I got back to Eugene I called some driving schools and started scrimping like crazy to save up the $130 dollar tuition (which wasn't exactly peanuts in 1975). I hadn't dared ask Pop for the money when I was in Belize because he would've offered to teach me himself. My siblings thought I was being extravagant, but I forged right ahead. If there was even the slightest chance driving skills

How I learned to drive

2008-03-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

Actually there are two parts to this story: 1. Driving Lessons, and 2. Driving Practice.As for learning, there wasn't that much to it. I knew beyond a doubt that I didn't want my parents teaching me. My mother was a self-avowed non-teacher, and my father drove like a maniac -- and I don't mean that in a good way. Not like one of the colorful Italian maniacs I was discussing yesterday, but more

Why I learned to drive

2008-03-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

A year after I left Naples, my parents moved to Belize City, British Honduras - an unusual and little known corner on the map of Cental America where I didn't mind visiting them as often as possible during their four years there. The first time I went, I met their jungle friend who'd run away from his British parents in India at the age of 16 and lived "out in the bush." He grew his own food and

Why I didn't learn to drive

2008-03-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

My last teen years were spent in Naples Italy, where I held these truths to be self evident:1. To drive there successfully, you have to be insane.2. If you're going to be the perpetually frightened passenger, you will become insane.I slipped into the role of the relaxed, unfrightened passenger, and kept my sanity. By the time I actually turned 18, driving age in Italy, I was majorly not

The Roads of Hell are lined with Moving Vans.

2008-03-08T21:43:00.000-08:00

I've been somewhat involved in my sister's move out of Oregon. What little spare time I've had went to that instead of blogging. And I can assure you it wasn't a "bike move" as featured in my blog last summer [see archives August 13, 14, 15, 2006]. No, this move was highly motorized every step of the way -- and like most moves, a never ending nightmare.I know one thing about hell -- it's a place

Don't forget your two-wheeled friend

2008-03-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

While you're waiting for my next fascinating post, here's something else to read. It turns out that over a thousand people a year disembark from the public transportation, both the MAX and the busses, and forget to take their bikes with them! Yes, it's true. It averages out to about three a day. Here's the link to the story.

So, back to the Brompton experiment.

2008-02-27T11:05:00.000-08:00

It would definitely take some getting used to. My first impression was that it felt like a toy. Not to imply that it felt cheap -- a high quality, expensive toy, I mean. But toy-ish in size. The wheels are so small that they accommodate only a thin tire, and every driveway lip gives you a noticeable BUMP. I'd have to start being more careful, more choosey -- the big wheels I use now have sturdy

Nerds of bikeland?

2008-02-22T22:31:00.000-08:00

I may not have time to write about this (see last post) till Monday, so for now I'll at least provide you with a link to a site where you can see the bike. If you scroll way down, this site has a little picture you can click on to see a video of it collapsing and uncollapsing. Yes, friends, it's a foldable I'm after. I didn't want to tell you. I'm wondering if riding a foldable goes in the same

A Glorious Day for Bike Shopping

2008-02-22T13:50:00.000-08:00

For 10 years I've been lusting after this certain bike and I finally went and took it for a spin yesterday. And now, I'm not so sure. In fact, I'm filled with doubts. This reminds me of the dating life, of when you finally manage to go out with someone you've been swooning over for months and then over one cup of coffee you realize it'll never work. I thought those days were over.I'll have to get

Writing in my other life

2008-02-19T12:47:00.000-08:00

As you know, I write other stuff. My blog is the funnest. In case you're interested, however, my latest article came out in the Portland Tribune last Tuesday: "Hunger’s attacked at the ground level -- Oregon Food Bank garden program helps people feed themselves."And no, I'm afraid I didn't try to throw any hilarity onto the world hunger problem, so don't go there looking for entertainment. Some

new improved

2008-02-18T21:39:00.000-08:00

Just so you know, I've heavily edited that last post, and it's way better now. (I want to give you only my very best writing.)

I want to say something, but what?

2008-02-18T17:14:00.000-08:00

A small group of loud girls, three or four of them, board the MAX and tromp through the car up to the front raised section, where I’m sitting. It’s the coldest day of winter and one of them’s wearing ultra mini-shorts, her brown legs bare all the way down to the sockless feet in her equally weather-wrong pumps. She shouts to the others “Dude tole me to get some pants on!”“What dude?” asks another

Like a bump on a log…. or not?

2008-02-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

Don’t think for a minute I’ve forgotten about my blog. No. That last story, about Naples, is getting a zillion hits, so I want to leave it up near the top a little longer. Besides, no time to post right now. Too much going on. But just so you know, my next question will be: When do you speak up and when do you not? What if someone’s wrecking the city furniture? You see evidence of it everywhere,

Transit Trash and the Women who Hate Them

2008-02-13T12:35:00.000-08:00

[We will return to mental illness after this brief message:]During my high school years in Naples Italy, that city was listed as the third most densely populated in the world, right up there with Tokyo and Calcutta. You’ve heard about the Tokyo “people pushers” or whatever they’re called – people whose job it is to push on the backs of the people boarding the subways to stuff as many in as

Attempt at Civility Foiled

2008-02-11T14:35:00.000-08:00

Since the train was almost completely empty, I could sit guilt-free in the Handicapped area. As usual I wanted to stay as close as possible to my bike. I hadn’t gotten out my reading materials yet, which are my defense against socializing with people I’d rather not. Sometimes when I’m all bundled into my dripping raingear, it seems too much trouble to extract it from my backpack.The train doors

no can do now

2008-02-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

Looks like I'm probably not going to be able to post till Sunday or Monday. Hm. Maybe I can squeeze it in on my lunchbreak tomorrow, I'll have to see.

Conversations with Madness

2008-02-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t I just say I wasn’t going to use any of the crazy-words? Well, not really. I said I wasn’t going to use the derogatory slurs, the nicknames for people with mental illness. Madness is not a word that names a person, it’s a word that names an illness. I don’t think of it as an insulting word. Do you? Maybe I’m wrong, but isn’t it fairly neutral? Feel free to

Stop the name calling

2008-02-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

Ok I told you I was going to start talking about the mental illness I see on the public transportation. It’ll be interesting to see how I write about it, given than I’ve decided to remove certain words from my spoken and written vocabulary. The words are:nutcase, loonytunes, bonkers, wacko, lunatic… and the many others in that category.I’ve decided that we have to stop constantly mocking mental

Purple People Eater escapes from zoo and pursues cyclist

2008-02-05T11:00:00.000-08:00

When I get off the train in Gresham, I ride on small streets and encounter maybe five cars along the seven minute ride to my place of work. If I got off at a closer station, it would be a four minute ride to work, but I like this way better. I always seek the least traveled streets, even if it’s a longer route.As I approach my first stop sign I notice a truck sitting there. I wonder why it isn’t

Coming attractions

2008-02-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

Now that I’ve told you about the urination, the arrests, and the foiled robbery as promised, I will veer slightly from the MAX back to the road and tell you about the psychotic ravings of an individual clearly suffering from acute bike envy. Full-on road rage from car to bike is considerably more alarming than car to car. To preview: Part 1, perpetrator lies in wait; Part 2, perpetrator becomes

Slob sighting results in slob citing

2008-02-03T21:13:00.000-08:00

Last night on my way out of Hollywood Transit Center I stopped to chat with the fare inspectors who are always at the bottom of the stairs there. “Wish you’d been around last Sunday evening,” I said, and told them about the peeing man standing almost exactly where they were standing now. "Oh, we heard that broadcast over our radios,” she answered. “One of the drivers reported seeing him, and they

"Nice try, larvae." Granny Clampett Wanna-be Foils Teen Bike Robbery

2008-01-31T18:19:00.000-08:00

Since the rains began, I’ve been taking my bike on the train with me. Before, I was leaving it at the Hollywood Transit Station, but there’s no covered bike parking there and no way am I leaving it out in the rain for nine hours at a time. So I take it to work where I can put it indoors. I much prefer not taking it on the train, because instead of becoming engrossed in my book, I’m worried about

The effect of uniforms on the atmosphere

2008-01-29T15:12:00.000-08:00

OK, so now that you’ve heard all about MAX station as urinal, I can move onto our next topic -- MAX train as paddy wagon.Have you ever heard of going for a “ride-along” in a police car? Apparently this is something a member of the public can do. I’m not sure what the criteria are. Maybe you’re working toward your scout badge, or exploring career options…? I don’t know. I’ve never wanted to do it.

Ice Queen for a Day

2008-01-28T11:25:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning as I left my house a heavy mist began to fall. The temperature felt at least ten degrees warmer than the previous few days. Cold snap must be over, I thought. Hence my utter shock when my bike slipped out from under me like a bar of soap as I turned a gradual curve out of the Gresham Transit Center. I must’ve been going all of two miles an hour, but smacked the pavement as if I’d

Lake Superior in my Path

2008-01-25T23:10:00.000-08:00

Tonight as I got off the train at Hollywood Transit Center, no less than SIX cops marched onto the train and began trooping down it as the doors closed and it rolled away. Last Saturday night while the train was stopped at Gateway, two cops got on, tromped up and down a few times and got off. In both cases, fare inspectors were also present and the cops were not concerned with that. They must

No, I have not been murdered on the public transportation

2008-01-24T12:09:00.000-08:00

Lindi and I joined a new gym. One of the staffers there, seeing my bike attire, asked me about my biking. She said she wished she could bike but she lived in Gresham. I of course immediately became enthusiastic and said No problem, hey, I commute to Gresham for my job, you and I are doing the exact same commute in opposite directions, and I can show you how to do it! I just ride to the MAX, it’s

Rain Gear Mysteriously Reappears

2007-12-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

Miracle. I just found my lost rain pants and shoe covers. They’ve been lost for weeks -- maybe longer -- and it’s really been turning me into a wimp about riding in the rain. The whining was getting out of control – just ask Lindi. I've even had her drop me off at the MAX station a couple of times in her car. (I can’t believe I’m admitting this publicly, but there you go.) The silent internal