Thursday, January 25, 2007

Today's Do-Do List

I have been everywhere on this bike today – I must’ve ridden 25 miles doing errands all around the city. I could’ve done it by car, but it would’ve been infinitely more hassle, with all the extra circling I would’ve had to do in order to find parking, which I would’ve had to pay for in addition to the extra gas consumed. Plus I woulda missed all the great scenes I photographed! (I got tired of contracting the word “have” so I’m hereby declaring “woulda” a word -- along with shoulda, coulda, and musta. As an English teacher I have that right.)

I’m in a rush this evening, but just to give you at least something, tonight’s topic is: dog-do. It seems that as a society we have finally begun to see some success in training people that it’s really NOT ok to just let your dog poop where it will. Dog-people have at last begun to internalize the idea that when their dog does this, it is the dog-person’s social responsibility to somehow coax the poop into a plastic bag. Though exactly how people accomplish this feat has been far too gruesome for someone as squeamish as myself to even begin to imagine, I have been pleased that the community education program in charge of this appears to be partially working.

Problem: These people need to go back and take the follow-up course about what to do with the plastic bag once they have completed the loathsome task of causing the poop to be relocated to the inside the bag. Because now, instead of dog poop lying around everywhere, we are seeing bags of dog poop lying around everywhere. Without the crucial following step, which presumably would be to transfer the bag of poop to a garbage receptacle, I do not perceive this current situation as much of an improvement. Before the trainings, we had poop lying everywhere, as if to say, “Here I am. I’m hiding. Hope you don’t step on me by mistake.” What we have now is bags of poop lying everywhere saying, “HEY! LOOK AT ME! I’m a bag of poop! I’m a big poop-in-a-bag! Notice me! Here I am! At least now you probably won’t step on me because you’ll see the bag, and even if you do, it won’t be so bad. Not like in the old days, when stepping on me could nix your chances at that job interview! Ha ha!”

Now, besides stepping in it occasionally, we have to hear all about it, constantly. Look at this picturesque scene on the bike path down along the river, where not one, but two or three bags of poop have been arranged in a still life on top of this boulder. Would someone please tell me what kind of brain these people have.


At 9:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for drawing attention to this disgusting issue. I came home JUST TONIGHT to a nicely stuffed and tied off plastic bag sitting big as life on my front lawn. Are these people thinking that my day wouldn't be complete without picking up their bag of dog leavings? That I'd come home after a 13-hour day and say "Great! So thoughtful of these dog owners to leave their c%^* nicely encapsulated in a plastic sack!"
WHAT are these people thinking??

At 1:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Still life with dog poop." -Whew!

At 5:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After you posted this, I saw a bag tied off on the fire trail and I realised that all those plastic bags I see there aren't just random bags that've just blown there, they're people that simply cannot be bothered to clean up after themselves. The world isn't just evolving better idiots, it's evolving more inconsiderate idiots, too - at least the excretia on its own will biodegrade after a while, when it's stored inside a plastic bag it will have a chance to be preserved forever...

At 11:16 AM, Blogger kate gawf said...

Still life with dog poop, indeed.

For any of you who have the nerve, I recommend clicking on the link "be preserved forever" in the comment preceding this one. It is UNbelievable. And scary. Not scary in itself -- I can certainly live with one obscure exhibit far off in the UK somewhere, why not? But alarming in that now we can put 2 and 2 together and come up with a pretty darn good idea of what the children of the future trooping through museums of natural history will have to look forward to. And not just one lone, infamous exhibit will there be, but many -- the wonders of plastic will make it so.

I am quite sure that the above Jennifer resides here in Portland. But now I must ask, if that last commenter will deign to return: Wherefore art thou writing from? is this disgusting practice occurring all over the nation? All over north america? or what? In other words, has this idea to laminate dog poop taken hold the world over? Please inform. I shall not sleep until I know.


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